February 7th

Yesterday was a special day as it was the anniversary of the day that life turned upside down on us. Last year I went into preterm labor and the doctors thought for sure that I would deliver in the next 48 hours. Since I was only 23 weeks 4 days and not quite to the viability cut off of 24 weeks, they told us that the girls wouldn't make it. We were absolutely blindsided with this news and we were in complete panic. The rest of the day was basically preparing for delivery of two little girls that would become angels in a matter of minutes after delivery because they wouldn't be able to breathe on their own. And I was going to have to just hold them in my arms until they passed away. I picked out memory boxes for them and a photographer called and asked if I wanted her to take pictures of my angels. Everything was just a preparation for what was going to happen. I was trying so hard to just accept what was going to be and I remember just wishing that they would pass in me that way I wouldn't have to see them struggle. But God had other plans and they made it an additional 11 days. He knew what he was doing too as it was enough time to get me to week 24 which meant viability, receive 2 rounds of steriods to speed lung development, receive magnesium sulfate to help reduce the severity of brain bleeds, and to help them get to over 1 lb each. While the original plan was to help me make it as far as I could into the pregnancy by lying there God knew before anyone else did that I had chorioamnionitis which is a really bad infection that affects the baby and the mother and makes mom and baby really sick and can even cause death and cerebral palsy. There was no sign of infection at all and we were all suprised and shocked to learn this when the lab results came back from where they tested the girls' placentas. God really knew what he was doing that day. Travis and I had decided that we would see this day as a celebration of life even though it isn't their actual birthday because while they are still angels, they are just those that got to stay here on Earth.